Man as Priest of the Home?

Blblically, I find no support for a man being called on to be the “Priest of the Home”.  There is not even any references to man being "head" of the household.  Man is "head" of the woman, but the word "head" does not mean "has authority over".  With a concordance, I can’t find this concept in the bible or any scriptural language alluding to man being Priest of the Home. –Old or New Testament. This is a concept that was popularized by people such as Douglas Philips and Dennis Rainey. In Dennis Rainey’s book, “Building Strong Families”, there is a chapter authored by another man called “The Husband as Prophet, Priest, and King”. The author states that patriarchal rule of the Old Testament is proof that God wants men to act as priests in the home today. He says “The patriarchs, who were the family and tribal leaders in ancient Israel, knew they had a duty to lead their wives and children into God’s presence for worship, to remind them of God’s grace and mercy in forgiving their sins, and to intercede on their behalf. Husbands today have the same priestly assignment.”

This is a tradition that may sound biblical, but it isn’t actually scriptural. Nowhere are we men told to oversee and be responsible for the spiritual condition of our wives. What a heavy load has been placed on men that we were never meant to carry. Our wives answer to Christ for their spiritual condition, not to us. The concept of being a “Resident theologian” is also found in Dennis Rainey’s book, which is also unscriptural. The concept of washing our wives in the water of the Word is not even biblical – it is lifted out of context. It is something Christ does for the church, not Men for their wives. It is assumed washing with the water of the word is something we men need to do for our wives, but that is not correct. Only Christ can do that for his church to make her holy and cleanse her. It is given as an example of Christ’s love for the church, not a command for men to follow. Can we make our wives holy? No, only Christ can do that. This tradition has also been responsible for many men concluding that God does not speak to women directly, but only through the man. No wonder so many men feel a spiritual superiority to women. There may also be a temptation to have a spirit of pride with the man thinking that he has been set up as a sort of intermediary between God and his wife.

The greatest harm that I see from this is that women will not grow up in Christ as fully mature Christians, but will stay under the limits placed on them by the highest level of spirituality that their husband attains to. A fully mature Christian woman will not be dependent on another person’s hearing from God, but will hear God’s voice for herself. When we keep a woman dependent on the spirituality of her husband, we are treating her as a dependent child all her life. Her sons may grow up and be spiritually mature, but somehow she is treated as one who cannot be depended on to hear from God on her own.

To summarize: It is the husband’s responsibility to give himself up for his wife and join himself with her. This will result in harmony, gentleness, and oneness. The result of the doctrine of the husband as “priest in the home” is a heavy burden on the husband that scripture never lays on him. It also results in a childlike reliance of the woman on the man for her own spirituality.

I have watched as this mindset has eroded away the confidence of women in the church and the man assumes a sort of kingly mindset over his household. Over-emphasis of this doctrine has led to verbal and spiritual abuse in some instances and can result in the mindset that women are to simply be silent and not hold any opinions in the church or the marriage relationship. The visions, dreams, and goals of the man are all that really matter in this type of marriage. As long as the wife just submits and agrees to everything the man wants to do, there is peace. The wife is not usually able to question the authority of the man or his decisions. The man becomes the king of his castle who ends up lording over his wife and she is seen only as the one who fulfills the domestic responsibilities. What she hears from God is not valued greatly in the decisions made in the church or the home. The men’s voices and thoughts are the only ones that really count in this way of thinking. Even if a woman in this situation is told that it is OK for her to share, prophesy, or use gifts in a church with these mindsets, she will be very afraid to ever do so since she has been oppressed and is made to believe she is a lower class citizen in the kingdom of heaven.

The true role of male leadership involves “mutual submission” as in Eph. 5:21. Should wives submit? Absolutely, but it is a willing submission that is never forced in a Christian marriage.
Should husbands submit? Absolutely, we husbands are to submit to our wives when they are hearing from the Lord. (Gen. 21:12). Our role of leadership is found in following the example of Christ in loving, serving, elevating others, and considering others as more important than ourselves in a true spirit of humility. (Philippians 2). We men need to value and listen to the wisdom God has placed in women in all areas of life, including decisions relating to church, doctrine, and spirituality. (Prov. 31:11, 26)

If we husbands are not hearing from the Lord in an area, should our wives still be forced to submit to us and follow our direction? No, they should have the freedom to resist being forced to do something they determine goes against their conscience or against what the Lord is speaking to them. That is where we need to practice submitting one to another. There have been times where I thought I was hearing from God and my wife simply went along with it since she was taught to not voice her opinion or question my decisions. This has led to some selfish, faulty decisions and led me away from the Lord for seasons of my life. Those seasons could have been avoided if I would have given my wife the freedom to speak truth and share her true feelings in those situations.