Are we raising Disciples or Pharisees?

The question that has been going through our minds lately is:  Are we raising Disciples or Pharisees?  First, we parents need to get rid of any Pharisaical leaven in our own lives before we can train up true Disciples.

I remember when our family was heavily steeped in the following:
1. Our daughters and my wife had to wear skirts (I am all for modesty, just not defining it so strictly)
2. We didn't watch any Television
3. We had to have lots of Children to be of any spiritual worth
4. We felt like we had to have a small farm in order to be highly self-sufficient in case the end of the world occurred or the stock market collapsed. (I am not against being prepared, but in this case I was making decisions out of fear - not faith!)
5. We had to homeschool(By the way, we still homeschool and value it highly)
6. The Man needed to be the Priest of the Home
7. The wife should have no real thoughts of her own, the man chooses the direction and what he says goes!  If the wife disagrees - she must just quietly submit and not say anything - let the man make his mistakes and blunder through life.  Just feed him and do his laundry, but never, ever confront him or question his motives.
8. We had to have Family Worship twice a day and it was my job to theologically instruct my family. (By the way, not against this either, but we also don't have to do it the same way every time - and I don't do it because I feel like I have to)
9. Our Children were expected to outwardly behave a certain way whenever in public or in church.  Any fleshly behavior was frowned on and parents were made to feel bad if any display of flesh occurred.
10. We would never, ever put out kids in a Children's church or nursery.  They might get corrupted by the other children there!  (By the way, we are careful about not letting our kids be around bad influences, but in the past we lived in complete fear - not believing that our kids could possibly act responsibly and influence others in a positive way)
11. My wife was expected to grind her own wheat and bake her own bread.  (She still does this at times, but she doesn't have to in order to feel spiritual)
12. It was important to have our own milk cow and make our own yogurt, cheese, etc.
13. You must give birth to your children at home.  Hospital births and C-sections are frowned on.

I am not against limiting television, having lots of children, dressing modestly, homeschooling, etc.  But you see where we can get off track if we judge others for the standards or convictions the Lord has placed on us personally.
Of course, some of the standards in our list were unspoken and somewhat self-imposed, but you see where I am going?  How many of us have some list in our minds that we judge others by?

We and our children judged other people's spirituality upon whether they were upholding the same external standards.  Do they dress like us, do they have as many children as us, do they homeschool, do they watch TV, etc.  These were the standards we judged others by.  We began to notice that we and our children began to love others less, have less compassion on them, and instead were judging them for the way they looked or whether they measured up to our list.  We measured our success as parents by how well our children performed when around other people.  We measured our success by how well they performed at home too.

Are we raising performance-oriented children who look down on others who aren't performing so well, or are we reaching their hearts?  Do our children have a desire to really please and follow Jesus out of love, or are they just trying to keep all the rules we have set for them.  We will know this if they obey our rules when we aren't looking :)

Are we training our children to value and listen to the leading of the Holy Spirit?  Can they discern the voice of the Shepherd for themselves, or do we have to personally tell them what to do all the time?  Are they taking ownership for their spiritual state - are they willing to repent when they have wronged their brother or sister without being asked?  These are areas our own children are growing in, and are far from perfect - but at some point a couple years ago, we realized we were on the wrong track.  We have switched tracks, and are now beginning to see some fruit - but it is a process.  We are learning to look at our children differently, look at others differently, and look at life differently.  We are learning to look at life and at God from a relational point of view, not a performance-based point of view.

I am reminded of the verse in Luke 6:39-41 - He also told them this parable: “Can the blind lead the blind? Will they not both fall into a pit? The student is not above the teacher, but everyone who is fully trained will be like their teacher."


It is important for us to be teaching our kids to love like Jesus did, and follow him wholeheartedly.  No amount of external standards can produce disciples.  Discipleship starts with the heart, continues in the heart, and ends in the heart.  We need to be modeling a passion for God.  So many times, we substitute passion for God with rules, regulations, and external standards of righteousness.  We need to be very wary of any mindsets that focus on washing the outside of the cup, but ignore the inward decay.  We want everything we do to be based on love.  They will know we are his disciples by our love for one another.  Let's stop hiding behind our outward displays of morality and begin to just love on people right where they're at.  The pharisees saw the lepers and outcasts as untouchable.  Have we in the protection of our churches fallen into the same trap?  Are those we don't agree with untouchable, or can we touch them with compassion and let the love of God flow through us?

Mark 1:41,42
41 And Jesus, moved with compassion, put forth his hand, and touched him, and said to him, I will; be clean. 42 And as soon as he had spoken, immediately the leprosy departed from him, and he was cleansed.